When Satan Attacks and what God has revealed to me

You know when you hear a certain song and it hits you right in the feels? Like every word describes exactly what you're experiencing right in that moment? Yeah,that happens more often than not in my life. Is it because music has influenced most of my life or do I just pay more attention to the lyrics and they hit me harder than most?Anyways, there are several newer Christian songs out that really have quite an effect on me. It's as if God speaks right to me through these songs. It either leaves me with a feeling of peace or like someone punched me in the gut...kinda in a good way, though. Weird, right?

Let me give you a real life example...

Last night, for whatever reason, I began to feel extremely depressed. My husband and I had a fight and it didn't really get resolved before he went to bed. He's over the road right now. I began to feel extremely guilty and sad and it just hovered over me like a cloud the rest of the night. So much so that I began to wonder why he would want to be with me. "All I do is cause him stress. ..We fight because of ME! Why am I still here? Maybe I should just go away...do everyone a favor and just go away!" That's what I started thinking to myself and even saying out loud! I broke into tears...feeling hopeless...I was so close to going ghost...and there were at times that I even considered hurting myself...Satan really knows how to kick me when I'm down, right? I know it sounds extreme and you're probably thinking, "Well that escalated quickly!" Satan loves to escalate things...make mountains out of molehills in people's minds. That's how he works. He knows our weaknesses and feeds on them ravenously!

Through all this, God was trying his best to speak his mercy and grace over me but I wasn't hearing any of it. His still quiet voice wasn't getting through. So, like the gentleman He is, He waited. He waited until I was ready to hear what he had to say.

This morning I woke up still not feeling the greatest. Went for blood work, came home, had coffee and some breakfast then I just bowed my head and prayed out of pure resignation. I just resigned my spirit to Jesus and just let him say what he needed to my heart. What a release it was! He spoke loving and tenderly to me - but still firm so that I would pay attention. I asked him for forgiveness for not relinquishing the control I so desperately strive for. I don't understand why, but I guess it's because someone had controlled and manipulated me for seven years and I have a hard time relinquishing control of any aspect of my life to anyone so easily anymore. Yes, even to God!

After putting my trust and the control back into His hands, he lead me to a book I had been reading and studying but had put it down for several weeks. If you're not familiar with Having a Mary Spirit, by Joanna Weaver, I highly recommend it! Anyways, He directed me to do the study at the back of the book for the chapter titled "Fault Lines." Wow, was that a revelation!

It made me realize that I was allowing Satan to tell me who I was, instead of God. I'm not saying that I had lost my identity in Christ, because that's not ever possible unless one completely turns away from him and denies him. No, I'm saying that for that brief period I had allowed Satan's lies to overshadow that knowledge when I knew otherwise. That's when God pointed me to listen to Zach Williams' song, "Fear is a Liar." YES HE IS!!! I knew then that my focus was out of perspective. I sent Satan, the Prince of Lies, back to where he belonged in Jesus' name and God put him back in his place!

Thank you, Heavenly Father, for speaking to me in this song and revealing to me that while I'm enduring this, You are pruning and preparing me for something far greater!